How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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