He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
