I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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