My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
