New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
