Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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