It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
