My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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