you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
