My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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