Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
