I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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