she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
