I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My nipple is on Facebook.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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