this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
