i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
