Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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