Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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