Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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