Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
