If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
