who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
