Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
