You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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