Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
