We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
