Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
