is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
