Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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