508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
