He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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