Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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