God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
