Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
