this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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