It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
