no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
