I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
