you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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