im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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