That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
