I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
