I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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