guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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