Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
