FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry about my life...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize