seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
