this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
