did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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