And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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