I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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