he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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