new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
