You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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